Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Acid is not a monday night drug
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
