Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
