I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
