God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
