I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
