Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
worst night to have a conscience
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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