I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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