becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
