I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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