you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
