omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
