brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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