you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
