the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
