Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
