Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
