She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Holy shit dude........stairs
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
