you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
