Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
