That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
