On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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