right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
