I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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