he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
