Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
