I bet he comes in French.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
