The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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