took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The beer is more important than you right now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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