guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
