Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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