He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
