There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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