My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
