i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
