and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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