I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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