There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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