I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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