I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
