P.S. I can't hear my feet
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
