no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
