she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
did you just send me my own nude
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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