I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
