Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
