i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
