At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
