Non-Jews are for practice
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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