gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Be still, my beating vagina.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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