ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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