I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
