I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just cut my nipple shaving
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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