Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
