That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
