how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
