I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
