remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
